The Attachment Confessions

Y'all — before we get into today's topic, I have to share some news that still has my jaw on the floor. The Attachment Confessions has been named one of the Best 30 Attachment Theory Podcasts in the US by Million Podcasts, ranking alongside some of the leading experts in attachment theory. I am truly flabbergasted and so incredibly grateful. All glory to God — and to YOU, my confessions fam!🎉💜
Now — episode 19 kicks off a brand new 4-part series where we're putting each attachment style under the microscope. And we're starting with the Anxious Preoccupied. If you're an AP, have loved one, or have ever been baffled by anxious attachment patterns in a relationship — buckle up. We're going deep🎙️
What we cover in this episode:
How anxious preoccupied attachment forms in childhood through intermittent reinforcement — and why inconsistent caregiving creates an addiction to love in the brain
The specific scenarios that create AP attachment — from working parents and big families to one emotionally attuned parent and one emotionally withdrawn parent
The AP's core wound: fear of abandonment and the core belief "I'm not enough" — and how these drive every relationship pattern
The fawn trauma response — why APs over-apologize and fall on their own sword even when they've done nothing wrong
The octopus vs. turtle illustration (from attachment specialist Brie Neil, episode 4) — and why the AP's closeness-seeking behaviors push their partners further away
The self-abandonment cycle — how morphing into whoever your partner wants you to be builds resentment over time
The friend-ghosting pattern — why APs disappear from everyone else the moment a new relationship starts
The superpowers of the AP: their kindness, thoughtfulness, affection, and deep capacity to love
Why healing anxious attachment is 100% possible — and what that process actually looks like
This isn't a roast session, I promise!😂 Every insecure attachment style has its shadows AND its superpowers, and we're covering both. The AP just wants to love and be loved. Understanding the science behind why their patterns sabotage that goal is the first step to changing it.
Are you an Anxious Preoccupied who wants to share your story on the pod? I'm actively looking for an AP guest for an upcoming lived experience episode! DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions.
💜 Ready to heal your anxious attachment? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's attachment healing programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. (Check out Episode 13 for my full review of Dr. Hensley's hybrid group coaching program!)🏆 TAC made the list! Check out Million Podcasts' Best 30 Attachment Theory Podcasts in the US — millionpodcasts.com/attachment-theory-podcasts
Also mentioned:
Thais Gibson — The Personal Development School
Episode 4 — Attachment Specialist Brie Neil Joins TAC
Episode 13 — My Attachment Healing Journey: An Honest FA Update
Episode 18 — Love Languages vs Attachment Styles
Up next in the series:
Episode 20 — Avoidant Attachment: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant
Episode 21 — Disorganized Attachment: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant
Episode 22 — Secure Attachment: A Deep Dive into Being Born & Raised Secure
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One of the most common questions I've gotten since starting this podcast is about love languages — and how they relate to attachment styles. So in the spirit of Valentine's Day, we're getting into it 💜
You've probably taken the love languages quiz. You know your results. But here's what most people don't know — your attachment style is actually what predicts your preferred love languages. They're connected, but they're not the same thing. And understanding the difference? Total game changer.
What we cover in this episode:
What the 5 Love Languages are and how Dr. Gary Chapman's framework has shaped how millions of people understand love
How love languages and attachment styles are connected — and where they differ
Why your attachment style is actually the deeper predictor of how you give and receive love
How each insecure attachment style — AP, DA and FA — tends to express and experience love languages differently
Why knowing both your attachment style AND your love language is the real relationship superpower
Whether you're deep in your attachment healing journey or just starting to connect the dots — this episode ties two of the most talked-about relationship frameworks together in a way that'll make everything click🙌
Knowing your love language is a great start. But knowing your attachment style is what helps you actually use it.
💛 Find out your love language: Take the official 5 Love Languages quiz at 5lovelanguages.com/quizzes💜 Ready to heal your attachment? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout.
Related episodes:
Attachment Theory explained: The Beginner's Guide to All 4 Styles
Anxious Attachment Deep Dive: The Anxious Preoccupied (AP) Explained — Signs, Triggers & How to Heal
Avoidant Attachment: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant
Disorganized Attachment: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant
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Conflict. Just the word makes my body tense up. And if you're anything like me, yours probably does too. 😅
But here's the thing – it's not conflict itself that destroys relationships. It's how we handle it. And for those of us with insecure attachments? We were never really taught how to do it right. Episode 17 is all about changing that.💜
What we cover in this episode:
Why conflict feels so scary — and how our childhoods are to blame
How each insecure attachment style handles conflict (AP, DA, and FA — yes, we all have our things 😬)
The 24-hour rule secure couples swear by — and why it's a game changer
How secure couples reframe conflict as a bridge to connection rather than a relationship threat
What non-critical communication actually looks like in practice
Why quick repair is everything — and how pride is silently destroying relationships
Taking accountability without defensiveness — and why it's the secret to building real trust
I'll be honest — achingly poor conflict management has been a major theme in all of my past relationships. On both sides. But the good news? Secure conflict resolution is a skill. It can be learned, practiced, and eventually become second nature — just like muscle memory. 💪
If secure relationships are the goal, we have to start showing up as secure individuals. And this episode is your roadmap for one of the biggest pieces of that puzzle.
💜 Want a step-by-step conflict resolution plan? Dr. Sarah Hensley's "Achieving Your Attachment Security" coaching program includes her own proprietary no-fail conflict resolution guide. Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout.
Listen to this first:
Episode 16 — Insecure Attachment Patterns: How to Stop Repeating Them & Actually Take Accountability (the prelude to this episode)
Coming up next:
Love Languages vs Attachment Styles!
xo - Chelsea
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What's up, guys! Welcome back for episode 16 of The Attachment Confessions!
"I am who I am – take it or leave it!"
Sound familiar??
Maybe you've had partners make similar claims? Perhaps your current partner has told you this a time or two? Or shoot, you might even be the guilty party, just like I have been in past relationships!
Today's episode is all about facing the person we see in the mirror and taking accountability for our not-so-pretty insecure attachment behavior.
New Year, New Us!!
Whether you're an Anxious Preoccupied, a Dismissive Avoidant, or a fellow Fearful Avoidant – it's time to put our insecure patterns in the past, and experience life and love to its fullest.
Here on The Attachment Confessions, you'll have a ring-side seat to my attachment healing adventure. My hope is by bringing attachment science to those of you who have never heard of it before and by sharing my own story, you'll also be inspired to embark on your own attachment healing journey.
xo - Chelsea
>>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories? Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount!
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OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout

Happy New Year's Eve, everyone! Welcome back to The Attachment Confessions!
Since we are on the cusp of a new year, there's no better time than now to set some solid dating and relationship goals.
Whether you're single, dating, or already committed to someone special, this week's episode is packed full of resolutions to ensure that your love life thrives in 2026. 
Cheers to the new year!
xo - Chelsea
>>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories? Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount!
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OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout

Hello confessions fam!! Welcome back to The Attachment Confessions!
On today's episode, we're diving into a topic that has been all the rage on social media in the dating world, especially over the last few years – love bombing.
Not gonna lie you guys, just the mention of that term gives me full-on body chills. In the worst way!
Love bombing is essentially bombarding a new romantic interest with over-the-top attention, affection, compliments, and the extravagant, finer things in life very early on in the getting-to-know-someone phase. I've been love-bombed a time or two, and let me tell you, it can feel absolutely amazing! For those of us with an insecure attachment, that is (healing Fearful Avoidant, party of 1, right here).
However, love bombing is not a true testament of someone's motives, character, or {realistic} true feelings. In fact, there are two types of love bombing to be aware of – narcissistic-driven and attachment-driven. In today's episode, we'll break down each type along with some helpful tips on how to appropriately spot and handle a love bomber in action. 
Whether you're an Anxious Preoccupied, a Dismissive Avoidant, a fellow Fearful Avoidant, or Securely Attached – this week's episode is sure to set you up for success next time you feel premature love grenades coming your way.
Here on The Attachment Confessions, you'll have a ring-side seat to my attachment healing adventure. My hope is by bringing attachment science to those of you who have never heard of it before and by sharing my own story,  you'll also be inspired to embark on your own attachment healing journey. That's my hope, at least!  
xo - Chelsea
>>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories? Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount!
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OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout

Y'all — I just finished Dr. Sarah Hensley's 4-week hybrid group coaching program. And I have SO much to say💜
If you've been following along, you know I've been in the thick of it — doing the actual work of earning my attachment security, not just talking about it. Episode 13 is my full, honest debrief. The highlights, the hard parts, and everything in between.
What we cover in this episode:
A week-by-week breakdown of Dr. Hensley's hybrid group coaching program — what each session covers and what to expect
My personal highlights and the moments that hit hardest as a healing FA
What actually shifted for me after completing the program
Why this program works for every insecure attachment style — AP, DA and FA alike
My honest take on whether it's worth it (spoiler: 1,000% yes)
I've talked about attachment healing a lot on this podcast. But actually going through a structured program — with a world-class attachment expert leading the way — is a completely different level. If you've been on the fence about doing the work, this episode might just be the push you need🙌
Earning your attachment security isn't just possible — it's a decision. And Dr. Hensley's program gives you the exact tools to make it happen.
💜 Ready to do the work? Check out Dr. Sarah Hensley's full range of attachment healing services at thelovedoc.com — including her hybrid group coaching program. Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off using code CHELSEA10 at checkout.
 
My hope is that by bringing attachment science to those of you who have never heard of it before and by sharing my own story, you'll also be inspired to embark on your own attachment healing journey – just like me.
Now go work on your healing, y'all!💜
xo - Chelsea
>>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories? Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount!
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OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout

Brent is back — and this time we're getting into the good stuff 👀
In part 1, Brent walked us through how his dismissive avoidant attachment formed in childhood. In part 2, we're picking up right where we left off — diving into how those DA tendencies actually played out in his romantic relationships, including a real behind-the-scenes look at how his attachment showed up in his marriage.
And the part I'm most excited about? Where Brent is now. Because spoiler alert — discovering attachment science changed things for him. (You're welcome, Brent 😉)
What we cover in part 2:
How Brent's DA attachment played out in his romantic relationships — including his marriage
The patterns he didn't even realize he was repeating until he learned about attachment science
What it actually looks like for a dismissive avoidant to start doing the healing work
Where Brent is now on his attachment healing journey — and what's changed
Can avoidants actually change? Brent's story is your answer💜
This conversation is one of the most eye-opening episodes we've had on TAC. Hearing a DA talk openly about how his attachment impacted his marriage — and his willingness to do something about it — is exactly the kind of real, raw content this podcast was made for.
Shoutout to Brent for being so incredibly open and honest about his journey. It takes guts, and it's going to help so many people🙌
💜 Ready to earn your attachment security? Dr. Sarah Hensley's 4-week hybrid group coaching program is the real deal — I'm in it right now and it's life-changing. Listeners get 10% off at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout.
Listen to part 1 first:
Episode 11 — Inside the Dismissive Avoidant Childhood: Brent's Real DA Lived Experience [Part 1]
Want to be a Lived Experience guest?
Reach out to be considered! I'm especially looking for an Anxious Preoccupied to come share their story! DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions if you're interested — I'd love to have you on 📲
>>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories? Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount!
https://dwellapparel.com/?ref=chelsea15
OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout

Y'all have heard my fearful avoidant woes plenty by now — so it's time to hand the mic to someone else🎙️
Introducing a brand new series here on The Attachment Confessions: Guest Lived Experiences — where guests from all walks of life and across every end of the attachment spectrum give us a real, unfiltered insider look at what it's like to live with their insecure attachment style.
And our very first guest? Brent Stokes — a dismissive avoidant. In part 1, Brent takes us all the way back to the beginning, sharing how his DA attachment formed in childhood and the experiences that shaped the way he shows up in relationships today.
What we cover in part 1:
How dismissive avoidant attachment forms in childhood — straight from someone who lived it
What emotional neglect actually looks like growing up as a DA (it's not always what you'd expect)
The childhood experiences that wired Brent to prioritize independence, suppress emotions, and keep people at arm's length
What it feels like from the inside to be a dismissive avoidant — and why DAs are so often misunderstood
This episode is going to hit different, y'all. Hearing the DA perspective firsthand — not through the lens of someone dating one, but from a DA himself — brings a whole new level of understanding and empathy to this attachment style💜
Whether you're a DA, you love one, or you've had your heart broken by one — this one is for you.
💜 Ready to start your own healing journey? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's attachment healing programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout.
Don't miss part 2:
Brent is back next episode to share how his DA attachment went on to impact his romantic relationships — and how he's now on the road to earning his attachment security. You will not want to skip this one 🙌
Listen to these first:
Avoidant attachment: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant
Attachment Theory Explained: The Beginner's Guide to All 4 Styles
📲 Got a burning attachment question? DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions — your question could be featured on an upcoming Q&A episode!
 
>>>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories? Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount!
https://dwellapparel.com/?ref=chelsea15
OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout

What's up, everyone! Welcome to The Attachment Confessions!
We've made it to episode 10 – double digits, baby!
Today we are taking our previous discussion on narcissism a step further and examining the most painful duo that exists – the narcissist / codependent toxic relationship dynamic. 
From an attachment lens, the codependent partner subconsciously enters relationships with their anxious attachment in the driver's seat, leaving them totally vulnerable to the charm, manipulation, and control of the narcissist. Whether they are an Anxious Preoccupied or a Fearful Avoidant that leans anxious, the pairing of the codependent with the narcissist proves to be the perfect storm and unfortunately, is all too common. 
In this episode, we'll do a deep dive into the many reasons why these two tend to gravitate toward each other, the behaviors that each bring to the relationship, and the destruction that inevitably ensues.
In true Attachment Confessions fashion, you'll get a closer glimpse behind the curtain of my toxic covert narcissist relationship. It was hell, but by the grace of God, I made it through to the other side.
If you find yourself in a similar situation where you feel there is no escape, listen up. You, too, can break free from the agonizing narcissistic stronghold.
Check out attachment expert Dr. Sarah Hensley's hybrid group coaching services if you're serious about breaking your painful relationship patterns and healing your attachment, just like I am!
The Love Doc Hybrid Group Coaching
Here on The Attachment Confessions, you'll have a ring-side seat to my attachment healing journey. We'll get into some pretty heavy topics but have ourselves a good time while doing so! And who knows, maybe you'll be inspired to ALSO embark on your own attachment healing journey. That's my hope, at least!  
xo - Chelsea
P.S. – Be sure to follow the pod on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions and DM me your burning attachment-related questions so that your question can be featured/answered on an upcoming Q&A episode of The Attachment Confessions!
>>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories? Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount!
https://dwellapparel.com/?ref=chelsea15
OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout